A Brilliant Going Away Party

What a brilliant going away party! Thanks to everyone who came out and made me feel so loved! I absolutely loved that people just came and hung out, hula-hooped, listed to great music played by Jake and Jordan, and just enjoyed being together. This was exactly how I wanted to leave, seeing everyone in community! I was in awe of the turn out, thank you so much for coming and for making me feel beyond loved!! You guys truly rock!

 

Go hula-hoopers!

I have to say my favorite song was "Bye, Bye, Bye!" Hilarious, appropriate, and a song I played about a thousand times in college. Thanks for the memories!

Not a fan.

I recently just finished the book Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman. I highly recommend this book to every follower of Jesus! (Actually, non-Christians may also enjoy it because it blasts American Christians for our hypocrisy). It is incredibly challenging and really, really good. Below is a couple of portions that I really enjoyed.

"The phrase 'cross to bear' has become part of our vernacular. 'Cross to bear' is an idiom that is used when a challenging situation or responsibility has been put on us against our will. For a follower of Christ a cross is not forced upon us, it is taken up. Jesus sets the example. In John 10:18 Jesus says, 'No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.'"   p. 168

"Taking up a cross and dying to self sounds like torture. We think that such a decision would make us miserable. Is that what it means to follow Jesus? We wake up every morning and commit to misery. But when we die to ourselves and completely surrender to him, there is a surprising side effect to dying; we discover true life. In a twist of irony, we find that giving up our lives gives us the life we so desperately wanted all along."   p. 171

I loved these paragraphs because I have totally found this to be true and have marveled at the process. Kyle explains it so well here. I've also said it this way: "The more I deny myself and submit to Jesus, he is faithful to change my heart. As he changes my heart I become more 'me' or who I wanted to be than I was before when I was holding on and not submitting (because I was afraid of losing what I thought was so 'me')." 

The Middle of The Race

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trip us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the Champion who initiates and perfects our faith." Hebrews 12:1-2
"So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong." v. 12-13

What perfect words to read this morning! Exactly what I needed to encourage me! I have been feeling weighed down with the loss of everything I'm leaving behind to go to England. I feel like I've been saying goodbye since February. I'm saying goodbye to a great job, being with my awesome church family daily, my precious dog, friends, possessions, and a comfortable and somewhat predictable life. Even as I write this I am reminded of the sense of loss I have been carrying with me. And yet, I know I am not supposed to carry these burdens around with me. These verses come to mind:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:6-8

As I was reading the verses from Hebrews I was thinking about running. When I run it is always the middle of the run that is the hardest because I get tired. I'm also tired at the end but I am motivated by the "finish line" and resolve to push through because the end is in sight. I am in the middle of a race to August 22nd. It is really hard and I'm getting very tired. I need to do what I do in the middle of a run: acknowledge this is the hardest part and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

The Hebrews passage is more than a simple comparison to running, however. There are two more effective things I can do to persevere. 1) Strip off the weight that slows me down and 2) Keep my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith. Looking at 1 Peter 5:6-8 above, I am not meant to carry the burdens - this weight of grief. I strip them off by casting them on Jesus who is able to bear them for me. 2) I must keep my eyes on Jesus knowing He has called me to this purpose and trusting Him with my future just as I did 10 years ago when I first put my trust in Him.

Lord, please carry my burdens and lead my life! I trust in you alone! Amen and amen and amen! =O)

True Grit - Home is Where the Heart is.

Another snip-it from the book "True Grit" by Deborah Meroff.

Mara has discovered that the more she lets herself be used as a channel of God's love, the less likely she is to be anxious about her own personal concerns. She can lose herself because she is secure in her identity. What did it matter that she was born to a Brazilian medium, married to a South African, the mother of children born in Turkey and now living in Britain? 'Home' lies in the epicenter of God's will.
Mara urges other women who question their identity to find it through the one who made them. She would also challenge them to open their eyes to the world at their doorstep. And to discover that missions is not crossing the seas but seeing the cross.

Awesomeness. I've also had many 'homes.' I am always home as long as I am in God's will. This is so well said.

True Grit - Into India

I've been reading a book called "True Grit" by Deborah Meroff. Here's a little excerpt about a woman named Janice working in India that was encouraging to me.

"God has been working my whole life to get this together," she reflects. Even the 'wasted years' of traveling have given me a certain credibility with those I meet. I've shed a few tears of frustration, I can tell you, but just when I feel really fed up with myself, God does something great." A smile lights her face, and she adds, "These people are too precious to God to let me screw it up. They've lived through so much and they're dying out there. So he is going to do it!"

I love, love, love this! I have totally seen the handprints of God in my life moving me to this point. I have definitely seen him keep me from screwing up His plan. He is so awesome and it shows how much He loves those who need Him!

Forgiveness. 2.17.11

This morning I was reading Matthew 18: 21-35

Forgiveness. Sometimes I am just so slow. How many times have I heard/read the parable of the unforgiving debtor...I just feel like I got it this morning. Its not about money, or even general forgiveness. Its about forgiving others because we're forgiven by God. If we believe that Jesus is our forgiver and leader, then we are the servant in the story. We have been forgiven of this incredible debt (our sin) that would be impossible to pay back ourselves. We are commanded to forgive others (vs. 21-22). Jesus is speaking to believers here, not unbelievers. This parable describes what happens to us if we don't forgive others. There is a reason this is a commandment, not a suggestion. The fact that this is a commandment could be a very heavy burden to carry. However, I also am reminded that Jesus said His burden is light. So I also need to remember that His Spirit lives in me and changes my heart. So, this is not a burdensome commandment, but an easy commandment, if I'm allowing Him to lead this area of my life. Great stuff.

Lessons from the News 2.3.11

I was cruising the BBC news this morning and I saw these two headlines. 

"MPs query £1.85m overseas aid spent of Pope visit."

"World Food Prices reach new high."

As I read the Pope article I was just sick to read that the money set aside to help suffering people around the world was spent on a dignitary's visit. But I quickly realized, don't we all do this? Don't most of us splurge (round up) on ourselves and our guests? Then the money that we could have given to someone who really needs it is gone. I realized that I can't quickly judge the UK government because many of us do the same appalling thing in our smaller budgets. How God's heart must break over our lack of priority for the poor. Whether a large or small budget, the neglect in our action is the same. Intention is great but it is our actions that matter.

God Time thoughts from 1.21.11

It is now time to catch up on some random thoughts from my God time that I journaled about but haven't posted yet. It's posting time!

Matthew 8:23-28 The story of Jesus calming the storm.

The disciples wake Jesus up because they are afraid a fierce storm is going to sink the boat and cause them to drown. After Jesus calms the storm He says to them: "Why are you afraid? You have so little faith."

As soon as I read this I was thinking how that relates to people and planes. There was a time in my life that I was afraid to fly. It just clicked this morning that when we worry about stuff like this we have little faith. It was true then of my fear of flying and all of the other little fears that creep in. Fear is not fear. Fear is lack of faith. So let me ask you... what are you afraid of?

"Go"

Hello! Thank you for reading my blog and for being interested in the story of what God is doing in my life. He is doing amazing things and I look forward to sharing all the ups and downs in this journey. Below is the story of where I believe God is leading me, how that came about, as well as the back story that brought me to this point. It's super long so grab a cup of coffee and happy reading!

As many of you know, I asked God to lead my life 10 years ago in London, England. Since I left I've always been drawn to return but have felt God saying not now. As a new Christian, I thought that I could never be a missionary in the traditional sense. A few years after I moved home from London a missionary organization gave a speech at our church and talked about how you could do a support role on the mission field. That really stuck with me and I thought, "I could totally do that!" (which is funny, because that’s totally what I feel like I’m doing now at The Pursuit). So then my dad got really sick and I knew that the "not yet" was because of my dad's illness. After he passed away I asked God if that meant I was free to go but He, again, said not yet -you’re in debt. That was when I drew the line in the sand about getting and staying out of debt. When I first started at The Pursuit I remember having a convo with Paul (the Lead Pastor) and we were talking about his vision for planting campuses and I said "build one in London! I will go and help!"  He said that London was actually in their top five. A little while later I asked God if I could go now and He said "not yet" and that for now I'm a missionary in Boise. During this time He was telling me other things too. Like, down size your possessions. Relearn French. Don't settle in (or down) - I felt He was saying that I would be unsettled for quite some time. He was also telling me that this was a time of preparation and that I needed to learn all that I could. I definitely didn't understand the instructions but I have been trying to be faithful to those instructions for the last year or so. During the last three months Gary (my supervisor) keeps asking me if I could do anything at The Pursuit what would it be? My answers were not prayerful, just my own opinion/desire, and at first I said helping The Pursuit organize and plant churches. A few weeks later I followed up with him and said "you know, I pretty much just want to help with the church plant in England. I would love to help do that." Over the last couple of months I have just been drawn more and more to all things English. It seems every movie I watch, every book I read, and more keeps pointing back to England. So much so that I felt like I should take a trip to England next year, that I should scrimp and save all that I can to make that happen. During this time I've also just been drawn to OM (Operation Mobilization). Since hearing George Verwer speak at The Pursuit a few years ago I've been interested in them and following the organization. The week of September 20th we did staff prayers all together at staff meeting. I remember asking the staff for prayer because I felt God was telling me that I was getting too comfortable and that He was about to shake that up. I was thinking He meant the roommate situation, or something. On September 24th I flew to Spokane to attend my friend Theresa's wedding. She married an Australian (they live in Australia but had the wedding in the states). During the whole weekend I was just captivated about the idea of going to England and OM and it was just constantly on my mind. When I flew back to Boise I decided I had better ask God again about this London thing because it was just overwhelming how much it was on my mind. 110% expecting to hear another "not yet" I shared my heart with God saying I know He knows that my mind has been on going to England and asked Him if it was yet time to go. Totally surprising to me I felt God say "yes, you can start preparing to go." What??? After 10 years of hoping for this I was shocked and pretty much just bawled the whole morning.

What's really funny, is after my chat with God the first thing I thought of was my friend Janat. How she put our accountability team together so many months ago, and how its funny that we've now all been called out of Boise one by one.

I’m still seeking God to continue to confirm this is His will. I’m totally open to the door closing if it is the process He wants me to go through but not the destination. Wise counsel has already directed me to read some books and continue to seek God’s affirmation through scripture.  Ya, so that’s where I’m at right now. =O)